While it can feel good to tell your partner “I am going!”, or “that’s it I have had enough!”. Then slam of the door.
But is that the wise way to proceed?
But in reality who should leave? And what are your rights to remain?
Often there is tension in the household and once divorce starts that tension can become unbearable. Even worse for your health! So should you be the one that moves out? Or should they move out?
Do you have somewhere to go to other than your parents or a friend?
We have only too often met clients who decided to move out of the matrimonial home and in doing so, they have only added to their stress by making themselves homeless too.
But by moving out, you are at risk of being both homeless and going through a divorce. That is not the right place to be. The divorce process can be a stressful time. But adding being homeless to that can only make things feel a lot worse.
Being homeless also brings further problems. Suddenly, you are under pressure to just accept the first offer of settlement from your ex-spouse, because you just need the money to move on and get somewhere decent to live. Not having a stable address due to vacating the matrimonial home can be very stressful and is an awful way to live.
As Divorce solicitors, our advice is simple. If you are contemplating moving out and ending your marriage, you should take a deep breath, and pause. Then pick up your phone and dial your solicitor to make an appointment with us to discuss your options. You will be surprised how many options we can find together. Together we can prepare a well thought out separation plan to guide you forward, to represent your best interests and show you how to protect your rights.
Has your Spouse told you to go?
Regardless of if your spouse tells you to go, you probably don’t need to go. Even if the house is in your name, you have the right to remain because it is your marital home where you live. That gives you rights. And if you are a joint owner, then you have even more reasons to stay. Therefore, you do have a right to remain and the only way you can be forced out of the house is if you agree to leave or the court orders you to leave and the bailif then comes to remove you. And that would only happen if you are proven guilty of domestic violence. So why should you move out if you can stay? And not only that, by staying you don’t have to pay out rent!
But on the other hand, if it is a small house or a flat, do you want to be in the same place if you cannot avoid seeing each other all the time. If that is the case, then it may be intolerable to be together and may make matters worse.
However in such a case, you must first do a deed of separation and only then move out. That way, you can agree to rights and ownership of things that you would lose by moving out and at least hold things together until the final order on your matrimonial financial settlement.
Will moving out affect my children contact or Custody of the children?
If you have young children, this is important. The general policy of the court and the court family advice service (CAFCASS) is that the children should remain in the house and bedrooms which they currently have, to preserve their stability as much as possible. As a short rule of thumb, whoever gets the children gets the house.
If you are proposing that you will be the primary carer of the children, then you really should be speaking to your solicitor about making an application to remain in the house. Because by moving out, this sends the wrong signal both to the court and CAFCASS that you are not staying behind as a priority to look after your children. You can reach agreement with your spouse on child contact and family finances as a temporary agreement by way of a separation agreement, but if you intend to apply to be the primary carer then it is not a good idea to move out because the living arrangements that follow from that can easily become permanent. The one who remains with the children will have a stronger case to be the primary carer of the children.
Leaving your Stuff behind
As touched on above, when someone decides to move out, it is not usually on their solicitor’s advice and is often done on impulse. Moving out can be merely be packing a suitcase or packing their car with immediate things and then moving back to their parents, or to stay with a friend.
But all too often, if you leave in an unplanned way like this, you can leave things behind and this can be a huge problem when you want to get back in to get the things that you treasure which you have left behind.
In such a case, it may be best to do a deed of separation first and then move out. That way, you can agree most things that you would lose by moving out and at least hold things together until the final order on your matrimonial financial settlement. It can also enable you to look at and take details of what you own and make a record of their value. It will also give you some control over what you have left behind. That way, you are less likely to lose them later when it comes to the final order and sorting out your financial separation agreement.
Our Family Solicitors will talk to you about your case, assessing your circumstances and providing sympathetic and caring advice in complete confidence. Call now: 01582 494970
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The information that we have given is intended to be a basic outline of the process involved. You should still seek legal advice regarding your specific case.